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INTOLERANCE-----TOOL
I don't want to be hostile.
I don't want to be dismal.
But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance either.
See
I want to believe you,
and I want to trust
and I want to have faith to put away the dagger.

But you lie, cheat, and steal.
And yet
I tolerate you.
Veil of virtue hung to hide your method
while I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your praise and glory.
Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma
as I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your glory
while you
lie, cheat, and steal.
How can I tolerate you.

Our guilt,our blame ,
I've been far too sympathetic.
Our blood, our fault.
I've been far too sympathetic.

I am not innocent.
You are not innocent.
Noone is innocent.

I will no longer tolerate you
Even if I must go down beside you.
Because,
Noone is innocent.



My lyric for the day
lock the door, kill the lights, its getting colder, its getting colder, its getting colder, locked in a place , where no one goes, -TOOL- no quarter
SENDME
PEOPLE WHO TOLERATE ME
NO QUARTER----LED ZEPPLIN
Close the door, put out the light.
No, they won't be home tonight.
The snow falls hard and don't you know?
The winds of Thor are blowing cold.
They're wearing steel that's bright and true
They carry news that must get through, oooh

They choose the path where no-one goes.

They hold no quarter.
They hold no quarter.

Walking side by side with death
The devil mocks their every step
The snow drives back the foot that's slow
The dogs of doom are howling more
They carry news that must get through
To build a dream for me and you

They choose the path where no-one goes.

They hold no quarter.
They ask no quarter.
They hold no quarter.
They ask no quarter.

The pain, the pain without quarter.
They ask no quarter.
Yeah! Without quarter, quarter, yeah!
They need no quarter.
The dogs of doom are howling more!
I hear the dogs of doom are howling more!

I AM OUTTY
Thursday. 3.24.05 9:11 pm
Not much to say...except bye bye..its been fun being here, but I really dont write that often, and hell no one reads it anyways..lmmfao...So agian..thanks.... Just one final thought...how the fuck can one person ruin your mood so much..That is always something I wanted to know.. No more later dayz

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ummmm HIYA
Sunday. 3.13.05 12:38 am
Well lets see, I really dont know why I write in here, only one person reads it..and he hears all of it anyway...well maybe two ppl..oh well...I dont really know what to write about this time...I didnt get to go to school yet, because of being a girl...they ran out of female insructors so now I have to wait, and by then I wont have the money...so I will be waiting some more. Hell who knows...The only really icky thing that happened is I talked to my ex for the first time since November, that was a shock from hell...The piece of shit gave my dog away, Zeus, my chocolate lab..oh hell I loved that dog. He just got rid of him...But talking to him did me alot of good though. It proved to me for sure and for certain that I am over him. I felt nothing when I was talking to him or after we got off of the phone, I didn't feel hate or love or anything, it was like talkin to just another person on the phone, not my ex of 9 years, the father of my child.....just some person who called. It was weird as hell though..oh well..
Lets see, ummmm I talked to one of my friends that I havent talked to since christmas the night before last...he is in the Air Force and he is stationed in S. Dakota..it was nice to talk to him agian. I miss him alot.. he is a very dear friend of mine and I love him very much...I am so proud of him, he is a Sargent (sp)now. It really surprised me that he made it that far actually, he is sooooo shy, and quiet, but he made it...YEAH ASH!!!
Umm, I talked to another one of my friends that I havent spoken to in wow almost 8 months...Heather...we grew up together, untill we were 17 then she moved to Gulf Shores AL..she called and we talked for hours..by the time we were done talking, we had made plans for me to go down there. I really want to. I think it would be a damn blast..and I want out of here so damn bad I cant see straight. I have come to hate this place, the place I have lived damn near my whole life, the place where my entire family is...I hate it..I feel suffocated here. I feel like there is nowhwere for me to go here and I want out!!!! I have been offered several places to go, but how do I decided..there is one place that I have not been invited to, that I wish I would be invited to but, thats not gonna happen...lotsa wishful thinkin lol..But how do you decided something like that? Its a major life altering decision, because when I go, its for a good damn while, I dont just want to visit, I want to start my life over there..so how the hell do you choose. Hell if I know..
Well that's about all I can think of to whine about right now lol...

Later dayz

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NOT MUCH TO SAY BUT........
Sunday. 2.27.05 7:03 pm
I dont really have anything to say....I got into a fight with a guy in a bar lmao...(imma girl just in case you didnt know) I ended up with a black eye and I thought my nose was broke, but it wasnt. I went to a friends birthday party last nite and got extremely drunk, hurt myself fallin down, and wrestled in the mud with another guy friend of mine. I had a damn blast. I almost fell in to the bonfire also, I thought I needed to put some logs on it, ummm yeah bad idea..... Ok now that's all I wanted to say, but I do want to put some lyrics in here, I just got this CD and I love it...sorry....

Later dayz,One more kiss could be the worst thing, One more lie could be the worst
And these thoughts are never resting, and your not something I deserve
In my head there's only you now, and this world falls in on me
In this world theres real and make believe, and this seems real to me
And you love me but you dont know who I am,
And I am torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me, but you dont know who I am, so let me go, just let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for, and I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing, and I know what I am going through
In my head there's only you now, and this world falls in on me
In this world theres real and make believe, and this seems real to me
And you love me but you dont know who I am,
And I am torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me, but you dont know who I am, so let me go, just let me go

And no matter how hard I try, I cannot escape these I know,
I know when all the pieces fall apart, you will be the only one who knows, who knows
And you love me but you dont know who I am,
And I am torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me, but you dont know who I am, so let me go, just let me go




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I wonder
Tuesday. 2.22.05 5:40 pm
I wonder about alot of things actually, like why does our life turn out the way it does, I know people who do everything they are supposed to, but life sitll kicks them in the ass, then their are people who dont do shit, are basically crappy people but they get everything handed to them on a silver platter, why is that.. I wonder why there are good people out there who are alone, with no one special in their lives, but then you turn around and see people who treat that special person like crap, mentally abusive, cheating, lying...why is that...I have always heard that good will overcome...well when the hell is that gonna happen. I have always heard the stupid phrase "you will never be given more than you can handle" well let me tell you, I think that is bullshit, I think that I have had more than enough, and sometimes I feel like I am on the edge, the only thing stopping me from going on that killing spree that I want is the threat of prison.
I wonder why you can want something so bad you actually ache with the pain of wanting it, you do everything you can think of to make it happen, change yourself, change your surrondings, and them BOOM it kicks you in the ass and walks away..Is this a test... if so to hell with the test..I dont want to play anymore.
I think people should come with warnings, WARNING..I am an asshole, I will lie to you, cheat on you, steal from you..then you would walk into a situation knowing what is going on...and if you choose to take that chance then you have no one to blame but yourself..
I also wish that people came with lie filters...I mean you could still tell lil white lies, like yes that color looks good on you, something like that, but people could not tell you that they were your friend or that they love you if they didnt. If they did try to utter that bullshit, then maybe their tongues could swell up or something..Tell me that wouldnt be a grand idea....I think so
Ok so this was definately a whiney entry and sorry about it, but I felt the need to get it out.

Later days

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SCARED SHITLESS
Friday. 2.11.05 2:52 pm
Ok, I am terrified....Monday, valentines day of all days..I start school, I am really, really, really, nervous about this. The school that I am going to is 3 hours away from home and is not really a "womans" profession some would say...I am gettin my CDL (comercial drivers license) I will start driving 18 wheelers cross country.OMG. It was a great idea at first but now..oh hell what have I got myself into??

My family is split about it, my mom is like, pffft whatever just get a good job, my day..he wants me to do it because it was something he always wanted to do, my brothers, think I am puss and wont be able to handle it, my sisters well they kinda think like my brothers. It is something I want to do, I am just scared shitless about it, because it is something new and I dont know what the hell I am doing.

Here is the set-up...I will go to Little Rock and go to classes M-S 6:30 to 5:30...I am not a day person by any means, actually it pisses me off to be up during the day, but I will deal with that, I will be there for 3 weeks, in a hotel room by myself...uh huh...after the 3 weeks I will go to either Oklahoma city or Cedar Rapids Iowa..never been to Iowa before. This is where I will have orientation for 3 days, then I get to go with a professional driver..a stranger mind you....for 28 days...I like that fact that I will be with someone who knows what the hell they are doing, but what if we dont like each other? What if he/she is a complete nutcase??
Ok then after the 28 days, I will go out for 6 months with another stranger...same problems with above...
These are the main reasons I am so scared, and what if I dont do it good enough, What if I dont like it? Oh hell I am so NERVOUS...
But I guess I will find out soon enough, whether I am ready or not..right...right...
I will accept all prayers if you see fit to say them for me or wishes of good luck will be nice to..lol
Anyways...those are my thought on that subject, it helped to write them down..kinda...then again it makes me realize...wait maybe I am the nutcase..oh well...I shall over come

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Arguements
Thursday. 2.3.05 1:14 pm
WHY DOES HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEONE SUCK SO MUCH? I MEAN, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GO BACK TO BEFORE THE FIGHT, I HATE FIGHTING WITH PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT. SOMETIMES IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS…EVERY DAMN THING FEELS WEIRD..YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, YOUR AFRIAD OF SAYING SOMETHIN WRONG..AND IN MY CASE…IT STAYS IN THE BACK OF MY MIND FOR A LONG TIME, I AM SO WORRIED THAT THE OTHER PERSON IS STILL UPSET, OR THAT THEY REALLY DIDN’T FORGET IT LIKE THEY SAID THEY DID, THEY JUST SAID THEY DID TO SHUT ME UP ABOUT IT. I HATE FEELIN LIKE THAT; I WORRY TOO MUCH, ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. I DON’T DO THAT IN ALL SITUATIONS THOUGH..I AM BY NO MEANS HOTT OR ANYTHING AND THAT DON’T BOTHER ME…I COULD CARE LESS IF SOMEONE LIKES THE WAY I LOOK, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO HAVING SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT MAD AT ME I OBSSES OVER IT…I GUESS THAT IS ONE OF MY PEROSNALITY TRAITS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO CHANGE ABOUT MYSELF. THE OTHER THING I WOULD LOVE TO CHANGE ABOUT MYSELF IS THE FACT THAT I WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE TOO MUCH. IF SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT IS IN A BAD MOOD, SICK, TIRED, UPSET; I WORRY ABOUT THAT TOO DAMN MUCH. I WLL GO OUT OF MY WAY TO TRY TO MAKE IT BETTER FOR THEM. IN SOME CASES, I JUST END UP MAKING THE WHOLE DAMN SITUATION WORSE THAN IT WAS BEFORE I STARTED RUNNING MY MOUTH. SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD A IDIOT FILTER ON MY MOUTH, IT WOULD MAKE A LOT OF THINGS A WHOLE HELLUVA LOT EASIER. I WOULD STAY OUT OF TROUBLE THAT WAY. BUT OH WELL, I GUESS AFTER 27 YEARS THAT IS THE WAY I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE, I DON’T THINK THAT IT WILL CHANGE NOW. JUST WANTED TO WHINE FOR A FEW ABOUT THAT……I GUESS IF IT BOTHERS SOMEONE THEY WILL JUST STAY AWAY RIGHT..? RIGHT..ANYWAYS…THAT’S BOUT ALL I GOT FOR NOWS LATER DAYZ

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